How a child might respond

• Senses change in routine
• Perceives absence of regular caregivers
• Doesn't understand concept of death and keeps expecting the person to reappear
• Experiences tantrums when deceased person doesn't reappear and someone else shows up

How you can respond

• Maintain routines
• Give lots of hugs
• Offer security, stability as much as possible

How a child might respond

• Feels guilt that their anger at someone caused the death
• Believes death is reversible
• Believes deceased person continues daily routines such as eating and drinking
• Believes death is temporary as reinforced by characters who are killed and come back to life in cartoons
• Thinks of death as "sleep" or a "long" journey
• Concludes that death is temporary based on Bible stories of Lazarus and Jesus
• Fears that other friends will die soon
• Grieves quickly
• Literally interprets things which are said
• Has angry outbursts

How you can respond

• Answer their questions honestly
• Provide lots of reassurance
• Avoid euphemisms or clichés
• Openly discuss what happened and the child's feelings
• Maintain routines
• Be available for the child
• Give affection when child allows
• Allow the child to express any feelings they have and assure them that they will be okay and their feelings are okay
• Be prepared to answer their questions again and again

How a child might respond

• Tries to figure out changes in their world
• Wants to know all the details surrounding the death
• Is curious about the whereabouts of the body
• Understands that death is final
• Questions whether death affects everyone
• Performs below par at school
• Is angry
• Is afraid of how the loss will affect their future financially and how they will be cared for
• Is fearful of loss of others or of own death
• Becomes overwhelmed and fearful of their friends' questions and social situation

How you can respond

• Return to regular schedule of activities as soon as possible
• Answer questions honestly
• Talk openly with child and reminisce about the deceased
• Involve the child in rituals that signify leave-taking such as the funeral and grave side service
• Resist taking child's anger personally
• Allow child to talk about fears of the future
• Encourage support of friends, teachers, and the church
• Allow time for the child to be alone
• Let their questions be your guide
• Don't answer more than what they want to know

How a child might respond

• Understands that death is final
• Refuses to verbalize feelings
• Searches privately for meaning of the death
• Alternately seeks and refuses support of family
• Seeks support of peers
• Understands that death of family member may mean financial distress
• Is angry
• Is fearful
• Wants questions about circumstances of the loss answered
• Asks why God let this happen
• Is angry at God

How you can respond

• Be available
• Listen well
• Encourage support of friends, teachers, and the church
• Allow the child to reminisce about deceased or recall a specific event with individual
• Maintain routines
• Encourage ongoing involvement in day-to-day activities as soon as feasible
• Reassure them that they will be okay and that people will take care of them
• Pray together

How a child might respond

• Believes death is final, irreversible and common to all
• Believes death will not affect them
• Feels insecure about the subject of death
• Exhibits risk-taking behaviors, depression, or withdrawal
• Is self-conscious about grieving outwardly
• Is defensive about grief
• Attempts to cover up grief
• Is angry
• Asks why God let this happen
• Is angry at God

How you can respond

• Understand that insecurities and fears may be present
• Recognize the importance of peer support
• Recognize the value of grief recovery through expression of feelings
• Share personal feelings and experiences when asked by adolescents
• Encourage relationships with teachers, youth ministers, and friends who are supportive
• Stress the importance of moving forward with their lives
• Watch for substance abuse, withdrawal or depression
• Pray together